Dear God, 

Please help me do it right next time. 

Please help me not to hide what I actually feel by belittling or saying things so curt, they hurt. 

Please help me not to shame him

Help me to love him

Whomever he is 

Please let him tell me

When he actually has feelings for me

Please God, let him actually tell me. 

Please God, send someone who will tell me. 

God, send someone who won’t be afraid of me. Who is scared about what I command socially. Who fears I will manipulate them. Simply because I’m so aware. 

Please let him know I care. 

Please let him know; if I love him, I will always be there. 

I couldn’t convince the last one I could be, someone he could trust to  say he actually loved me. 

Even though I was 

Even though he did. 

I would have laid next to him on the floor of hell. 

Held my hand on his chest till he was well. 

I didn’t want his money; or anything but just him. 

Even at the places where he felt dim. 

God, please let the next one let me in. 

Close enough for him to see; there is no one else he has to be. 

And that I would have fought and stayed through each low blow. 

If when he loved me: he’d let me know. 

But he never did; so I had to let him go. 

Please let this next one be brave enough to show. 

Because I can’t bear to let another one go.