My God is Real

By Melissa Ann

If God holds you sacred and not me

Your holy prayers and prophesy 

Your celestial bedroom 

You made for thee 

Knowing that without even looking at me 

You have my 30-year-old-virginity 

Which I thought I saved for you—

Sacredly 

gone now,

It’s not the same 

My sexual trauma is your name 

As your cousin’s is with you:

Jeremy 

I get to say it 

I do

Because as I write this, I cry this

God, why this? 

Why us? 

No, you should have known better 

Why did you? 

Because of the three of us, 

I’m the ONE of us who would never do this to another person. 

So, If God holds you sacred and not me, 

because of rules you abide so scholarly 

An eye so single to his glory 

While I question tenderly 

Why did this happen to me? 

While decisions I make poorly 

Why did this happen to me? 

Disassociated choices seen “whorely” 

Why did this happen to me? 

If God holds you sacred and not me...

Then God is not real. 

But, I’m working that out with God.